Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
