Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
