Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
