Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
