I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize