No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
