I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
