Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there was a trapeze. enough said
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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