Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
