My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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