Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
