when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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