I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
