so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize