Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
