I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
