Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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