She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
