i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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