I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
