i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
