walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize