that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
