I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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