Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
