You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
