why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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