I heard we made out
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
