I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
