Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
