sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drake has all the answers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
