She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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