Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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