On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
