Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
