I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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