one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
