If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
