Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
