maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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