Its about making memories worth repressing
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
