Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
