If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
