Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize