I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
