Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
