your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
