When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
