You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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