I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize