Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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