worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
