Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
