So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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