ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
