So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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