Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
