remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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