I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
