and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
