I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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