This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
