We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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