I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
