I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
