did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I puked a lego.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
