ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
