Do you still have your period?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
