I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
