I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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