I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
