Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
