It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
