She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
