Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize