we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
