Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
