I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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