Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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