we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
