I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I made him laugh his dick is mine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize