I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
