whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
