I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
