I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
