My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
