please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
