a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
