my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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