I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
