did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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