return my video game
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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