the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
