it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
