Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
