why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
