Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize