Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
