is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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