I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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