Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
