Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize